The Longest Yard

Paramount studios presents

Starring: Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Burt Reynolds, James Cromwell, Nelly, Michael Irvin, Kevin Nash, Steve Austin, and the great Bill Romanowski

Directed by: Peter Segal

Rating: **

Plot: A remake of Burt Reynolds original about an ex-NFL quarter back is arrested and is sent to a prison in Texas to help create a football team made of inmates to test the guards uber team. Of course things get silly and there are way too many product placements and bad jokes but it had Bill Romanowski and a couple good moments which kept this movie afloat. Some comedy and inane football moments ensue.

Acting: I personally believe Adam Sandler's best films are the Wedding Singer and Happy Gilmore and since then everything has pretty much sucked ass. His more serious dark comedies missed the mark by miles with Punch Drunk Love and Spanglish. So I guess a remake of a 70's concept movie was the best idea for a come back. Sandler is um Sandler here having some moments but not many. The only points I really enjoyed is where he tries to be a bad ass and a moment later he gets his ass kicked. Chris Rock is well Chris Rock as an inmate doing what he always does, making fun of himself and/or white people. I actually enjoyed him in this movie though because he only had one or two moments but its not like he is a major character so it really worked. Now Nelly is another one of those rap stars who has gone into acting, my suggestion for him is stick with the rap bud. He has two scenes here at best and he looks like he is reading off cue cards, why is his name so big on the bill boards when says like maybe three lines of pointless dialogue and leaves. As for the "bad guys" James Cromwell plays the nasty warden, but I couldn't get over the fact he was the farmer from the movie Babe, so yeah. The guards were actually the best part of this movie with football players and wrestlers making up the group. Bill Romanowski and Steve Austin and others steal the show from the inmates with their badassatry, yes I made that word up but lets move on, they were hilarious. Several moments where the guards were head butting lockers or just being ass holes was great to watch and there was not enough of it in the movie over all but I'll get to that. Oh yeah Burt Reynolds is in this movie, well sort of he plays the inmates team coach, but like others he doesn't do a lot and he just seems wasted.

Directing/Writing: I'm not sure if this movie had a script. The movie felt like gag after gag as most of these movies do. The weird thing about this movie though is it seems to take itself slightly serious towards the end, which in way is actually funny because the audience really doesn't see it that way. Casting kick ass mofo's like Bill Romanowski and Steve Austin as guards was the first mistake because I like those guys more than idiot inmates who constantly talk about gay sex and McDonald's burgers. So if the filmmakers goal was to make me want the inmates to win, they failed brilliantly. Also Adam Sandler does not even look like a NFL quarter back so from the first scene of the movie everything felt out of place. I guess the overall problem was the film had no pacing just many scenes stuck together and an almost random ending. Only cool inside jokes towards football will some audience members get but most of the jokes are either way too lame or just over the top to make anyone laugh. The theater I was in was dead silent during the entire film, they laughed more at the trailers which is really bad sign. One thing they had going for them were some cool shots of people getting the shit beat out of them while playing the final football game. This a movie that could have been remade well, but this is just a shell of something that could have actually been funny.

Overall: Some moments but not worth the money to watch them. Some cool cameo's and inside jokes but it just fails on too many levels. Sadly just another pointless remake that people should just avoid and rent the original.