Catwoman

Warner Brothers Pictures presents

Starring: Halle Berry, Benjamin Bratt, Sharon Stone

Directed by: Pitof

Rating:*1/2

Plot: You know who Catwoman is? Hell no you don't. This movie takes all the comic, television and movie history of Catwoman and tosses it out the window to make a new story. In this movie we meet Patience Phillips (Halle Berry) a nice girl who keeps to herself and one day by accident runs into some bad guys who kill her, well sort of kill her. She is reborn in a sense when a bunch of cats barf on her face. I'm not kidding. They barf on her face and she becomes a woman with cat abilities. We follow her and her Jekyll and Hyde like personality where she robs stores but also kicks bad guys asses so uh yeah. Lots of leather and whip cracking begins. "It's over time!!!"

Acting: Poor Halle Berry for years she tried to get good acting parts. But over and over again she was figured as eye candy. She then received an Oscar for her performance in Monster's Ball. Now she thinks she's top of the line. She drops out of the X-Men franchise and then does this movie. Her performance has a horrible mix of insanely over the top to just stupid. When she is Patience Phillips she is basically playing her sweet self so that was easy. Once her character became Catwoman the craptacular events and dialogue begin. I mean I guess it is difficult to actually take someone seriously wearing the outfit she had on. I'll get to that later though. Her wild girl bad ass thing just didn't work. Catwoman had no fear or depth all she did was run around and say things like "Like my nails?" and then she scratches a guys face. Wow, amazing dialogue. I guess that is not her fault actually she was picked for this role because of how she looks and how big her breasts are. It is not like Halle got much support from the rest of the cast. Benjamin Bratt plays your typical cop here, I mean even his character has a typical name, Tom Lone? Whatever he was there to tie up loose ends of a very basic movie. He does what he can with the part but I mean you could be Tom Hanks and couldn't save this role in a movie. Sharon Stone plays the bad guy, or bad woman. Her character really had no point in being bad. She worked for a cosmetic company that made some super cream which either will destroy your face or make you into a super villian, that is hard to market I would think. Anyway her character was suppose to have used the cream so much her face turned into stone or something. If this was true how did she keep her head from falling off her body. Also Catwoman kicks her around like no one's business and you know what? Kicking rocks would your foot after like two tries, so this really was just stupid. Sharon tries her best to be bad but she had no script to work with, I mean with classic bad guy lines like "Now I can kill you both". Yikes poor Sharon Stone.

Directing/Writing: I know how this movie came to be. Some studio guys got together and said lets make a Catwoman movie, they basically tossed out any connection to Batman and anything from Catwoman and made a new character. Already from that point they had a bad movie and I got worse from that point. The script is so basic it hurts. The movie also just becomes too campy and over the top to be good. Why don't these people look at Spider-man and X-men for examples of how to make good comic book movies? Also the costume design is horrible!!! She looks so stupid I understand that thought she'd look sexy but god no this was just awful. No woman would ever go out and fight crime or do whatever Catwoman did dressed like that. Where basically your ass is hanging out and your wearing a bra and stupid mask. Not only that she was wearing opened toed shoes!!! Any bad guy who wants to defeat Catwoman can just slam on her toes and you've won. The costume from Batman Returns was amazing and they should have had that. But with are culture of more skin the better idea this costume was made. Oh god just horrible. Also you know the movie is bad just because of the directors name, Pitof, what is that? This guy gives us no depth what so ever, lots and explaining, stupid dialogue and two fight scenes and were done there you go. The idea alone that Catwoman was some ancient thing was stupid, and Catwoman goes to some crazy cat ladies house for some guidence. This movie is literally shit on screen. How I survived watching it was laughing with friends. If you think your going to see a good action movie that will pull you in and take you into a comic book world, YOUR DEAD WRONG SO RUN. This movie is so bad it makes Van Helsing look like a classic. Alright I don't know what else to say the movie is just so bad its fun. If you feel like spending money on it go ahead, just remember to laugh. I mean maybe that was the point when Catwoman goes to a club and orders milk straight up, you just shake your head and wish you were the screen writer. Actually you'll probably be doing that through out the entire movie.

Overall: It is just so sad to see a movie with so much potential and they just flush it all away for something that thought would be hip and cool. Now I could make some really nasty jokes like not this pussy cat is cold, or even worse! But I won't even though I kind of just did. I think the only reason to see this movie would be for one scene where Sharon Stone is about to kill Catwoman and she goes "Game over" and Catwoman turns and goes "It's over time". That was pure genius. But since I just told you it don't go see this movie. This thing is about as close to soft core porn as you can get it's just you don't get the catchy music.